The Dirty Truth about Employee Engagement
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Garbagio™ Award #1: Can You Afford to Have a Boss from Hell in Your Midst?
Aug 9th
Here’s a story that I picked up recently. Have any of you ever had or heard of a boss like this?
“I definitely have the boss from HELL! She constantly points out that I’m doing things wrong, (which means that I may be doing it right, but because I’m not doing it her way, I’m “doing it wrong.”) She has a way of making me feel little and stupid and that I’m not worth the dirt on her shoes.”
How can a company have employee engagement with a boss like this on the loose?™
Is Life Polishing You Up or Grinding You Down?
Aug 5th
A little over a year ago, I began the first of 3 surgeries. On the second one, I was feeling a bit low. The surgery was hard on my body and nearly as hard on my psyche. I had no idea how exhausting surgery would be and how slowly my body would return to normal. When I spoke to my doctor about my frustration with how long my recovery was taking, he said “Life grinds at you. It’s either going to grind you down or polish you up depending upon what you are made of.”
Is life grinding you down?
I spent the next few days thinking about what he’d said. It made me realize we are all granite. We are the psychological equivalent of the very stone that is used in modern statuary leaving behind a lasting image and iconry that generations can look up to and contemplate.
In the darkest recesses of our minds, hidden from the place that tells us it is egotistical, don’t we all wish that we were significant? That we mattered? That somehow we were important? Our challenge comes when we wait for someone else to tell us the significance. With just our presence on this earth we have all the material needed. It is with grace we will find the balance between feeling insignificant and being omnipresent. We will know we’ve made a difference and there are many life obstacles that will grind away at us. Each time another comes at us, we need to think of its glorious polishing abilities. That nothing less than a tough life lesson could bring out the shine of the perfect person that is underneath.
I used to think of these life lessons as rogue waves coming to swallow me up. In the ocean, a rogue wave occurs when the natural rhythm of the waves gets out of sync. As a result, instead of waves being equally paced from each other, they move at different rates. One or more will merge in this phenomenon and as they join, the water of the second wave must join the first. When this happens on a normal sea, you would feel a bigger harder wave. When a rogue wave happens during high seas or a storm, you have ship crushing power with waves as high as 100 ft crashing down and devouring all in their path like an enraged beast.
All of us have felt like rogue waves have come into our lives in the form of those events that feel like they would crush us. But somehow, we survive. In looking back, we may remember how initially the wave looked impossible to weather. But those waves were sea water polishing solid granite.
Or is Life Polishing You Up?
When you polish something, the better the reflection & the more you like what you see. The more you polish, the more clear you will find the reflection which allows you to see without distortion.
What 80% of people would say about their jobs if they could!
Aug 4th
I posted this once before, but got a few requests to post again. For your “hump-day” enjoyment!
What 80% of people would say about their jobs if they could!
Quick Tips on How to Deal with Difficult People
Aug 3rd
Have you ever thought to yourself “everything in my life would go just fine if I didn’t have to deal with people?” People are difficult, or more accurately, people are different, and that’s what makes them difficult.
I’ve been exposed to difficult people from birth. It’s a legacy thing. My family is passing it down from one generation to the next. That started my fascination with difficult people. Difficult people are the topic of many conversations, and more than one of us has lost sleep about difficult people. Here are some of the keys to making your difficult people encounters go smoother.
It’s not about you.
This is one of the hardest principles for people to get, but the most valuable. The reason it is challenging is that you don’t have to do anything different; you have to think different. You are an innocent bystander to his* issues or bad behaviors. Picture yourself thinking “wow, that’s fascinating” every time you have to deal with a difficult person. Mean what you are thinking, (and don’t accidentally say it out loud!) and you will find yourself behaving differently because you are not taking it personally.
This is critical for true empathy. And until you show a difficult person empathy, he is likely to escalate to get your attention or until you “get” what his issue is. It’s amazing how calm people can get if you can truly take the time to understand things from their perspective.
And remember, he has this behavior because at some point in his life, it worked for him. He won’t change until he realizes it’s no longer working. Some people are introspective and get this early on. Others get into their 70’s and 80’s and don’t understand how they create difficult situations.
Make him feel important
The easiest way to do this is to give him 100% of your attention. You want him to “feel” that his concerns and what he is saying are important. This is not the time for people to “feel like a number.”
Set limits
Regardless of who a person is that does not give him the right to be abusive. If language or behaviors step over the line, tell him, and tell him what the conditions are for resuming the conversation. Keep in mind, your point is to set a limit, not teach a lesson. It’s not your job to make him “get” how difficult he is. It’s your job to establish what types of conversations in which you are willing to engage.
Listen
With all the communication tools we have, people still feel unheard. Make sure your body language and facial expressions say you are listening.
Are you facing the person?
Are you giving him eye contact?
Are you taking notes (shows what he is saying is important enough to keep notes on so you don’t forget anything)
Are your arms and/or legs crossed (sends the message you are “closed” to what he is saying)
Ask questions
Asking questions is one of the best ways to show you are interested. The hardest part of asking questions is our own attitude. If we are tired or irritated, we often don’t want to know more. This is especially true if we’ve been on the receiving end of his difficult behavior on multiple occasions.
The best questions are open ended-questions that give the opportunity for the person to give you information. Stick with questions that begin with “how” and “what”, they are the least confrontational and will give you a lot of information. Avoid questions that begin with “why.” When we were kids, “why” meant one thing when we asked a question and another thing when it was asked of us. For example:
- “Why didn’t you clean your room?”
- “Why did you you go outside barefoot?”
- “Why did you skip school today?”
We learned quickly that “why” meant we were in trouble and likely there was no “right” answer to “why.” Many of us still get defensive when we hear a question beginning with “why.” To prevent that from becoming an obstacle to communication, I recommend avoiding “why” questions when it comes to peoples actions or thoughts. (In the manufacturing world, “why” questions can be VERY effective at challenging processes.)
Summarize
This is a great way to let him know that you’ve been listening. The notes you’ve been taking can really come in handy for this. One physician I went to recently brought her laptop into the patient room. She then took notes on everything I said and summarized it at the end. When she said, “Do you have anything to add?” I was speechless. She’d captured everything.
Dealing with difficult people can put a sour note on an otherwise fabulous day. Years ago, one of my most challenging customer’s was a man named Mr. Heller. My co-workers and I decided he was trying to live up to his name. But everything changed when one of my co-workers bet me that he could make Mr. Heller his friend faster than I could. I took on the challenge, but both of us took on new attitudes. We did everything we could to be super nice and win over Mr. Heller. Though we planned to win, we were both shocked when Mr. Heller surprised us with a 6-pack of beer one Friday evening. It seems we’d all won.
Getting better at dealing with difficult people situations can only improve how your day goes. Sometimes I wish I could hold a mirror up to people or show them a video tape of how they just treated someone. But that’s not realistic. What is realistic is looking for ways to see the differences instead of the difficulties and remember “it’s not about you.”
*One pronoun, “he”, is being used for ease of writing. The person could be male or female.
To drop your stress levels with co-workers, employees, or customers, contact Marian Madonia to have a 1/2-Full Day jam-packed session on “How to Deal with Difficult People.”
If you don’t eat, then you’re not a team player!
Jul 30th
While working out with my new trainer at the gym, we started talking about the GarbageFactor™. He shared with me a story about a client (I’ll call her Sara) who was working really hard to lose weight. Sara had made a serious commitment to her weight loss and was watching everything that she ate to be sure that it was healthy.
At work one day, Sara joined her co-workers for a luncheon that her boss had planned for her team. The menu that Sara’s manager chose left her with no healthy options for eating. Committed to her goal, yet also wanting to be a part of the festivities, Sara ate a few bites and spent the rest of her time socializing with her co-workers.
When they returned to work, Sara’s boss called her into his office. He immediately ripped into her accusing her of “not being a team player” because she “refused to eat at lunch today.”
I can think of lots of things that would be legitimate complaints about someone not being a team player. This isn’t one of them. This manager needs to go back to training to learn about what teamwork is and isn’t. He also needs to learn how to deliver feedback. You don’t rip into people.
This is garbage and no one needs garbage at work.
Just wait for this economy to turnaround. Everyone with toxic levels of garbage being dumped on them at work now will be doing the dumping later. They’ll be dumping high levels of turnover. How do you like that garbage?
By the way, Sara got even in the end. She lost the weight and the job. No more garbage for Sara!
How is Waiting affecting Employee Engagement at your Workplace?
Jul 29th
I love reading USA Today’s “Snapshots.” They are quick little bits of information that stop and make you think. One that caught me was titled “When is Waiting Most Frustrating?” 43% of people responding answered “Awaiting approvals at the workplace.”
We are a rushed society doing everything at breakneck speeds. We want everything now, and and our bosses and peers want everything yesterday. So why is it we are made to wait when we need approval? Is the approval process inhibiting enthusiasm and engagement? Is the length of time to wait for an approval sending the message that “you or what you need isn’t important?”
I remember one place where I worked where traveling 50% of the time was a requirement for my job. In fact, the only way to do the job was to get on a plane. I taught seminars in client locations and held conferences 10 times a year across the country. Yet even though the travel was required to do the job, I had to go through a requisition process that required no less than 5 approval signatures. 4 of those people were wasting their time with redundant activity. Worse, I had to follow up with each level to make sure it was getting passed on to the next level. So much of my time was wasted as well. I can certainly understand wanting a second set of eyes to make sure I was going to St. Cloud, Minnesota and not St. Croix, Virgin Islands. But after that, the messages are things like “we don’t trust you” “we’re inefficient” “what you are doing is unimportant so we can take as long as necessary for approval.”
Take a look at your workplace. Where can you eliminate people waiting unnecessarily long?
The Science of Motivation by Dan Pink
Jul 28th
Have you seen Dan Pink’s talk called “Drive” about the science of motivation? If not, it’s a must see. Here’s an adaption of the talk with animation. You’ll hear Dan’s talk while watching an animator bring the talk to life. The original Dan at the TED talks is below it if you’d prefer to see it without animation.
If you are involved with Employee Engagement, study this. If you can get every manager and supervisor on every level within your organization to understand these fundamental principles, you will have the Engagement you need.