The GarbageFactor™

Because Employee Engagement is not about the money!

Archive for category Attitude

Must Be Nice

Sep 25

Posted by Marian Madonia in Attitude, Communication, Difficult People, GarbageFactor, Managers, Stress in the Workplace, Team Work | Comments off

Friday’s were usually Tom’s only day in the office, and typically, he’d work just a half day since he’d already put in so many hours earlier in the week.  Tom had one of those jobs that looked glamorous, but wasn’t.  He traveled every week, often to a different city every day.  His schedule was grueling.  Give presentations all day, drive to the next city, get some dinner, snag some sleep, and start over again the next day.

Though he worked in St. Louis, only one team mate, Mimi, worked with him there.  The rest of his team was in Chicago.  Another division was also located in St. Louis, so he and Mimi both had an office (cubicle) there to go on Friday’s.  Inevitably, the division manager would find a way to tease Tom when he was in the office “must be nice only having to come into the office only one day a week and then make that a half day.  We should all be so lucky.”

Mimi witnessed this for about a year.  She supported Tom and gave him ideas on how to deal with (or let go of) the situation, but Tom kept letting it get under his skin.  Tom was promoted and moved out of that office.  The search began, but the division manager wasn’t waiting.  The very next time that Mimi ran into him, he said to her “must be nice only having to come into the office only one day a week.  Wish I had that job.”

Mimi excitedly replied “You can! We have an opening right now that you can apply for!”  Everyone laughed and the division manager never picked on Mimi again.

Sometimes the best way to get rid of a little garbage is to use a little wit and humor.  Instead of battling people to prove your point, try going in the same direction.

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Bad Attitude in Three Short Stories

Sep 23

Posted by Marian Madonia in Attitude, Difficult People, GarbageFactor, Miscellaneous, Stress in the Workplace, Team Work, Toxic Environments | Comments off

I just found these stories.  I’d saved it under a title that I’m sure made sense at the time, but upon recall, it made me think it was a different document.

Background – all three of these encounters happen the same morning, in the same building, for the same organization.

Scene 1 – I arrive to teach a seminar about Flex Spending Accounts.  My mood is set, I feel great because I’m speaking and training today.  I’m especially pumped because I love the thrill of applying my inspirational approach to financial matters that people expect to be boring (I have a financial services background).  I enter the building and check in with security.  A guard takes me to my first encounter.

In introduce myself to the leader who looks put out.  She starts by treating me like I am a criminal or have done something wrong.  Angrily she says:  “I don’t know who you are!”  She didn’t hide that she was annoyed and put out.  She next challenged me as though I was lying “who sent you here?  Who are you supposed to see?  I thought this was Insurance, nobody told me you are here!”  What’s flex spending?!

Scene 2 – The insurance rep and I (we’d both been invited by the main office) were in a conference room to answer questions one-on-one.  The first employee that the Insurance rep (we were both scheduled for the day) had to deal with wanted the rep to make the changes for her.  The rep didn’t have a laptop with her and the employee got snippy “your website doesn’t work!”  The rep tried to verbally get the woman to come back to find out what the problem was.  The woman was determined to be a snot and turned her back on the rep and walked out ignoring the pleas of the insurance rep to try to identify the problem to fix it.

Scene 3 – It is lunch time and I am in the employee cafeteria.  Across the table from me is a woman who’s just sat down with her lunch.  “This is a hamburger without the bun!!!”  She was angry, you could tell she felt cheated.  “They call this a patty melt!  What the hell is that?!  It’s a hamburger without the bun.  By law this is a hamburger with no bun, everybody knows that!”  She slams her food around looking hateful and angry.

This is the GarbageFactor™ in toxic doses.  This whole building needs to be wrapped in a quarantine tent and a dose of attitude adjustment pumped in.  Seriously folks, I’m sure many of you have worked in an environment like this, but what makes me so passionate about this one is that it was an elementary school.  The “leader” was the school principal.  The other two scenes were with teachers.  This is crazy.  No one should have to work with people with attitudes this bad, never mind subject our kids to it.

I have an assignment today.  Look in the mirror and ask yourself if you are behaving like one of these people.  If you are, find out what the cause is.  This is beyond bad attitude, this is toxic behavior.  If you need to get out, find a new job as fast as you can.  If you need a break, take it.  If you need to learn how to deal with the problem, take a seminar.  If you need a shrink, find one.  Whatever you do, take some positive action because everyone around you is being infected and you won’t be able to break the cycle of negativity until you do something different.

If you’re working in this kind of environment, your solutions are the same.  If you need to get out, find a new job as fast as you can.  If you need a break, take it.  If you need to learn how to deal with the problem, take a seminar or read a book (mine is a great pick http://shop.marianmadonia.com).  If you need a shrink, find one.

Whatever you do, take some positive action because everyone around you is being infected and you won’t be able to break the cycle of negativity until you do something different.  If you are in a leadership position and this describes your environment, don’t go it alone if you’re not trained in turning this type of situation around.  Bring in a consultant who specializes in workplace relationships (I know a few, so let me know if you need a referral).  If you think a seminar or program would help, that’s my specialty (check out my video’s at http://youtube.com/marianmadonia).  And if you need it, contact an arbitrator to help resolve conflict in specific relationships.

We all want to work in a job that has as little garbage as possible.  What can you do today to reduce it?

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The Tale of The Green Tail

Sep 10

Posted by Marian Madonia in Attitude | Comments off

The monkey approached Rovert, The Great Wizard of the animal world and said:

“A friend of mine told me that I have a green tail.”

Rovert replied, “Your friend is crazy.”

The monkey went home and returned the next day.  He said to Rovert, The

Have people been telling you that you have a green tail?

Have people been telling you that you have a green tail?

Great Wizard “Two of my friends told me that I have a green tail.”

Rovert replied, “It’s a conspiracy, your friends got together on this.”

The monkey went home and returned once again the next day.  He said to Rovert, The Great Wizard “All of my friends tell me that I have a green tail.”

Rovert replied, “Then I suggest you go look.”


Have you checked the mirror lately?

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No More Garbage Tip #2 – Stuck?

Sep 1

Posted by Marian Madonia in Attitude, Communication, Difficult People, GarbageFactor, Managers, Stress in the Workplace, Team Work, Tips from Marian's book "No More Garbage", Toxic Environments | Comments off

When you don’t know what to do, you won’t until you learn something new.  Use a lack of answers as a trigger to go learn something new so that you can find the answers.  Don’t know how to pay for your kid’s education?  Learn everything you can about financing college.  Having trouble with a relationship?  Learn everything that you can about dealing with people and communicating.  Having trouble with a boss?  Learn how to deal with difficult people.

If you can’t wait to hear all 90 ways to deal with garbage, you can always order the book.

Book "No More Garbage: 90 Ways to Deal with Change, Challenges & Chaos

Book "No More Garbage: 90 Ways to Deal with Change, Challenges & Chaos

Thank you for being a fan of the GarbageFactor.  Get $2 off “No More Garbage” by using this special coupon code,  garbage09.  It will ask you for the code at the end when you enter payment info.  Here’s the link to get the book: http://shop.marianmadonia.com/product.sc?productId=1

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There Goes the Neighborhood!

Aug 27

Posted by Marian Madonia in Attitude, Communication, GarbageFactor, Miscellaneous | Comments off

What is happening to the neighborhood?  My neighbors are up in arms right now because every time they walk by my house…I’m friendly.

I’ve lived in my neighborhood for the past 8 years.  I know 4 of my neighbors (4 couples, 8 people). If I ran into them at the grocery store, I’d actually recognize them and be able to call them by name (o.k., I can’t remember the name of one woman, but I know her by sight).

I live in a very cool old Tudor house that my nephew refers to as the “gingerbread house.”  Seriously, it’s just missing the gum drops and icing snow.  The neighborhood was built in the 30’s when households had 1 car and you needed to walk everywhere to get what you needed.  So, two blocks away, is a neighborhood shopping district where there are several restaurants, two drycleaners, a movie rental place (a local owner, not a major chain), a flower shop, a coffee shop, and various other little businesses.

So everyone here walks and most of them walk their dogs.  I’ve never seen so many people that own dogs.  Stranger still is how many of them own boxers.  I mean, boxers are not exactly the most popular breed of dog.  There are still lots of people that think mine is a pit bull or a bull dog).  But my neighborhood has more than 8 boxers.

Now, I recall that people like the idea of having something in common with another person.  When people find out I’m half Sicilian, anyone who has a Sicilian background lights up and starts talking to me more.  When I ride my motorcycle, other people on motorcycles wave as they drive by, and if we’re at a gas station together, we’ll chat a bit about where we’re headed that day.  And of course, when I meet people and tell them I write about the GarbageFactor™, they have to tell me their story about the garbage (usually bad bosses, stress, and negativity) that happens in their workplace.

All of these conversations happen more animatedly.  People’s body language goes from closed to open.  Their eyes light up, and they tend to smile more.  And of course, we always share a few laughs about our commonality.

So what is wrong with my neighbors?  The ones that have boxers don’t want to stop and share stories.  They just plain don’t want to stop and have to be friendly.  Their body language saddens me.  I can see they want to leave.  I let them.  I feel a little down after, because this is completely messed up.  I know it, but what can a person do?

I live on the corner.  The neighbor across the street has never introduced him/herself to me.  That’s right, I’m not sure if a man or a woman lives there.  I’ve never caught the person outside.  The neighbors diagonally across the street moved in a couple years ago and have never stopped to say hello.  They leave from their back door and go directly to their car without looking up.  The same can be said for the neighbors diagonally behind me.  I’ve met the neighbors directly behind me.  I don’t know their names though.  They keep to themselves.  All, but the 4 neighbors I’ve mentioned, keep to themselves.

6 feet.  I did an experiment for a couple of weeks.  I decided I would stop saying “hello” and see how close neighbors could get to me without saying anything.  The answer is 6 feet.  They could get within 6 feet and still look straight forward, ignore my presence, and keep on walking.  I don’t want to try any closer than that.  Then I’d be the weirdo.  Measure out 6 feet to see how close that is.  How is that people can be within that range of each other (not total strangers, neighbors) and not reach out and say hello?

Quite frankly, I’m pretty disgusted by it.  I’m super friendly and super outgoing.  I make friends everywhere I go, except my neighborhood.  I started talking to friends about this, because I thought this was exclusive to my neighborhood.  My friends all say they are having similar experiences.  They live all across the country in places like Virginia, DC, Colorado, Florida, and Oregon.  Some live in the city, some live in the suburbs.  I feel better knowing it’s happening everywhere, but on another level, it makes me feel worse that as a society, we are closing ourselves off.

What’s happened to us?  Having a nosy neighbor can be annoying, but did we have to swing the pendulum all the way to the other side to where we’ve become indifferent?

I’m trying a different experiment now.  I’m saying “hello” to every neighbor that walks by, and I’m doing it with all the enthusiasm and energy that I can muster.  One of my friends said “you’re going to get known as the eccentric.”  I think that was supposed to be a warning that my next stop was the old spinster cat lady.  So I’m known as an eccentric.  There are worse things people could call me.  And besides, I think it’s better to be considered eccentric because I’m friendly instead of because I’m a hermit.

So, you’ll know you’ve found my house when you pass by and hear an enthusiastic “HI THERE!!!”  Maybe your neighborhood could use an eccentric like me.  I can’t move, so maybe we can all try this experiment together.  Be the eccentric in your neighborhood.  Be friendly to everyone that walks by.  See what happens, and let me know how it goes in your neighborhood.

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Sometimes Garbage Just Happens

Aug 25

Posted by Marian Madonia in Attitude, Miscellaneous | Comments off

Sometimes garbage just happens, and you have to decide if you are going to wallow in it, shovel yourself out of it, or recycle & reuse it.  I’ve taken advantage of all three options at different times in my life.

This past Saturday, I decided to take myself out to dinner as a reward for dealing with a lot more garbage that had dumped in my lap than I’d expected.  I’d hoped to be celebrating 2 straight weeks of blogging, but as I missed Friday because of the garbage dump, I couldn’t claim that.  I had, however, still earned myself a dinner out.

After leisurely dining (and catching up on some reading), I headed for home.  Only my car didn’t comply.  I put the key in the ignition, got a dashboard full of lights, but that was it.  No click, no turnover, no anything…just lights.  I went through my limited list of options (make sure the car is in park, put my foot on the break peddle, checked the battery cables) and found that nothing made a difference.  She (the car) wasn’t moving.

I thought about my options.  I’ve got AAA, but where do I have them take the car?  All the repair places would be closed tomorrow.  I didn’t want to leave my car in any of their lots when no one would be there.  My reliable mechanic is 110 miles away.  That’s not a misprint.  I use this small shop in southeast Kansas.  I use him because he’s reasonable (what one shop charges $1000 for, he usually charges $500 for).  But better than that, I’ve NEVER had to bring my car back to him.  What he fixes is really fixed.  He maintains my car so well, that in 5 years, I’ve not needed a local shop.  I knew eventually things would have to change and I’d have to get a local place, after all, my car is now 15 years old.  I guess that “eventually” was now here.

I decided to think on it and make a decision on Sunday.  I checked with the restaurant on what the staff thought of the relative safety of my car.  The feedback was that since I was on a main street, and the police are usually at the mini-mart across the street, that I should be fine.

Now to get home.  I was about a mile from home.  The weather was good, it wasn’t too late, and I had comfortable shoes on, so I decided to walk home.  Besides, it would take longer for a cab to get there than it would take for me to walk it.  With 20 minutes to think on the way home, my mind started going through my options on fixing the car.  It also started going through whether I’d done the right thing by leaving my car parked on the street.  It’s not a bad neighborhood, but it’s not great.  I live in a mid-town type of area, and it has its share of crime (that’s why the cops are at the mini-mart all night).

In between going over my options for repair, I argued with myself about the safety of my car.  At home, I park it in my garage because that is the safest place.  I do not park on the street in my own neighborhood because of how many neighbors cars have been broken into or stolen.  The internal arguments went something like this “Why would they want your car?  It’s 15 years old” “Yeah, but it’s a cool car (in my eyes…it’s a Dodge Avenger)”  “A thief will want something easier to sell” “Somebody already tried to steal it once!”

Just as I was about to make the turn down my street, the absurdity of my argument hit me and I burst out laughing.  “How on earth is someone going to steal my car when I can’t even get it started?!”

So, garbage happens.  Sometimes we wallow in it, sometimes we start shoveling it out, and sometimes we recycle & reuse it.  Saturday night, I did all of the above.

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Get Rid of Garbage by Getting Rid of Drama

Jun 22

Posted by Marian Madonia in Attitude, GarbageFactor | Comments off

Focus on what you can control instead of what you can’t.

We are control freaks.  We’d like to be able to control everything that happens to us and around us.  After all…if we were in control…this earth wouldn’t have the problems that it does.  Would it?

But as much as we’d like to control things, there are only two things on this planet over which we have control.  We can control what we think and what we do.  That’s it.  That’s all that we can control.  Everything else around us can be influenced by what we think or do, but nothing else can be controlled.

When you focus on what you can’t control, you create DRAMA.  That’s right; Drama Kings and Queens out there are focused on the past instead of moving on.  They are focused on what they can’t control about an event instead of what they can’t control.  Everyone likes a good story, but if you’re not teaching or laughing (or trying to create laughter) when you tell a tale, then you are probably still caught up in the drama of it all.

Focusing on what you can and can’t control is the technique that I use over and over and have to remind myself of over and over.  I especially needed to call on this technique, just two days before I left for a vacation.

I went to the gym about 5:30 in the evening on a Tuesday.  An hour and a half later, I’d completed my workout and headed for home.  When I got out to my car, I was pretty frustrated by the driver who’d decided to park next to me.  The person had parked so close, that they were literally inches away from my car door.  There was no way I was going to get be able to get in through the driver’s side!

So there I was pacing in the parking lot and having an argument with the driver of the other car regarding his/her ability to park.  Of course, the argument was one sided as the driver of the other car was absent and likely in the gym having a great workout and oblivious no doubt to how inconvenienced I was.

The fact is, I can’t control how somebody else parks.  Having an argument with myself in the parking lot is not going to solve the problem.  Even if he/she was there, arguing with him/her would likely not solve the problem.  Because really…the only problem was that I needed to get into my car.  I’d prefer to use the driver side…but not being able to get in the car is the real problem. 

As for getting into my car, I got in through the passenger side and crawled over to the driver’s side.  I got settled in my seat and noticed that something wasn’t right.  The plastic on the top of the steering column was pushed up.  I didn’t recall hitting it with my gym bag when I got out of the car.  Then when I went to put the key in the ignition, I noticed that it too didn’t look right.  It was pushed way in.  I tried to recall whether I’d gotten out of the car in a hurry or had been rough with my key.  I’d been in a great easy-going mood all day, so that didn’t even make sense. 

I’m amazed at how slowly it dawned on me what might have happened.  I started my car and backed it up 5 feet so I could get out of the driver’s side and look at the car.  Just then a buddy from the gym, Aaron, yelled over and asked if I was o.k.  I said, “I’m not sure…I think someone tried to steal my car.”

Aaron ran over to me and looked at the driver’s door lock and said…”It’s been pushed in.  Someone definitely tried to steal your car.”

After dealing with the police, I drove home and packed for my vacation.  It wasn’t easy, but I can’t control that someone tried to steal my car.  I can control calling my insurance company. I can control whether I lock my car (I do), what I leave on the seats (nothing), and where I park (that’s going to change!).  I did everything possible to protect myself.  I even have a car alarm. I controlled what I could.  I can only control my attitude and my actions.  I could let the situation live rent free in my head for weeks, and tell every friend and acquaintance what happened to me (ok…I did tell a few because I could make them laugh as I imitated myself moving and talking in slow motion to demonstrate how slowly it dawned on me that my car was nearly stolen).  Or I could go on with my life.  The fact is that the car being broken into is now in the past.  All the pacing, and talking about it, and thinking about it, is not going to change the fact that my car had been broken into.

Does it stink?  Yeah, it stinks.  I have a $500 deductible, so I had to spend $500 bucks fixing my car instead of investing in my business or fixing my house.  But how you spend your minds time thinking about something is how you determine what kind of day, week, or life you are going to have.  I could spend all my time thinking about how much it stinks or I can spend my time thinking “What do I need to learn from this?” or  “What will I do differently?” and “When and how will I get the car fixed?”

Understanding the difference between what I can and can’t control has been the single biggest influence on changing my life for the positive.   I wasted precious many years focusing on things I couldn’t control, instead of how I’d influence the future.  How much of our stress do you think comes from trying to control the uncontrollable?  I think most of it.  In our minds, we’re trying to find a solution for something that has no solution because we focused on what we can’t control instead of what we can control.

How about you?  How much energy do you give the past?  How much of your life do you miss out on because your arguing whether your company shouldn’t have changed a procedure or policy, or your co-worker “borrowed” something of yours, or someone cut you off in traffic or “stole” your parking spot at the mall, or someone didn’t keep a promise, or the line in the store is longer than you have time for, or one of your kids dyed his or her hair blue.  All of these are things we can’t control.  We have to focus on the things we can control.  What am I going to do or think in response to this situation that might help influence and cause a different result (even if the difference is just in my sanity)?

What do you need to do differently or think differently that might change your life?

(For ease of reading, I’m going to use “he” as the pronoun for what follows). 

Let’s go back to my would-be car thief.  Picture the thief sitting in my driver’s seat feverishly trying to hot-wire my car.  Suddenly, a Jeep comes flying into the parking space right next to my car.  The thief is afraid he’s been caught, so he opens the driver’s door to run.  But the driver’s door won’t open past the door jam.  He’s stuck.  His only option is to crawl over the passenger seat, get out that door and run!  I wish I had a video of the whole thing.  I bet the would-be thief was scared senseless when he realized he was trapped in the driver’s side of my car.  And that person who parked too close to me?  I don’t think he inconvenienced me.  I think he saved my car from being stolen. 

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You're Welcome! *%$#

May 25

Posted by Marian Madonia in Attitude, Communication, Customer Service | 1 Comment

I decided to treat myself out for breakfast this morning.  I had a grand plan to go have a leisurely breakfast at a local restaurant I affectionately describe as a “funky little joint.”  It sits on the corner in one of the local neighborhood shopping districts.  I don’t know what else to call these.  They were built in the 30’s along with the houses in the neighborhood.  About every half mile or so there’s one of these little shopping areas that resemble little Tudor villages.  Lately, and much to my delight, they are experiencing a revival of their own.  Community is hip again.  I was going to bike this morning, but we had rain last night and more storms are expected.  With my laptop in hand, and because I was dragging a bit this morning, I decided to drive.

It was 11:30 in the morning, and I was just starting to act alive.  I also had no food in me, so I was running on fumes.   No wonder I was dragging.  My funky little joint was packed, but they serve in the bar on weekends.  Three day weekends count, so I grabbed a seat at the bar.  It saved me waiting 30 minutes for a table for one.  Waiting for a table is bad enough when you’re with a group, at least you have company.  it’s really droll when you are solo.

 The bartender had the right amount of energy and pleasantness, I don’t think her customers could have handled too much energy given I saw her make at least 2 dozen Bloody Mary’s (with alcohol) in the 30 minutes I was there eating my breakfast.  I really wanted some quiet time as well, so I was happy…until my food came.

A different person brought me my food.  He was carrying four plates stacked with food.  I’m always a little in awe of wait staff and how they can carry so many plates with or without a tray.  Things seemed to move in slow motion as I gathered in all that was happening.  The man carrying many plates, my plate getting set in front of me, doing a quick mental check of my order, and catching the sight of his back as I heard a sarcastic “You’re Welcome!”

Slap!!!

I started having one of those arguments that you have in your head when you can’t or don’t want to have the argument directly with the person involved.  My argument started ”what a jerk!” 

And most likely, that’s what people thought of me when I was younger.  Sarcastically saying “your welcome” was part of my youth culture, and we used it alot.   I picked it up from my peers, and no doubt some of them picked it up from me.  How on earth did we get the idea that that was “cool?”  Maybe it’s a phase that we all go through.  Maybe it’s cultural.  One thing for sure is we all need to let it go.  It’s not our job to correct, shame, humiliate, insult, put down, or judge others.  No good can come from it, and potentially hard feelings could result.

When it comes to the missing “thank you,” I know I prefer when people say it, but I find that my life is more pleasant when I remember that sometimes:

  • We are faster than others (as was my case, my “thank you” was there, but I was moving a lot slower than normal)
  • People say “thank you” with a smile or body language.  It doesn’t always have to be words. (I smile as soon as I saw he had my food!)
  • They’ve got so much “stuff” going on in their lives, they don’t realize there is anyone or any world going on around them.  (My dog just had surgery to remove a bump that could possibly be cancer, I won’t know for a week)
  • Something else happens simultaneously  .(Like a parent trying to get their kid to pay attention while you’re holding the door for them)

This isn’t making excuses for people, it’s being understanding and moving on.  A little understanding can go along way.

My breakfast was perfect, especially the homemade buttermilk biscuits.  I thanked my server twice.  Once with words, and a second time with a 20% tip.  “Thank you’s” come in many forms.

Have a great week…and thank you for reading my blog.  I may not say it with each entry, but I am always grateful.

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Got Garbage? Reduce the GarbageFactor™ with an Attitude Adjustment

May 15

Posted by Marian Madonia in Attitude, GarbageFactor | Comments off

Reduce your GarbageFactor™ with an attitude adjustment. I did it with my first motorcycle ride of the season today. How will you do it?

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