The GarbageFactor™

Because Employee Engagement is not about the money!

Posts Tagged Communication

How Not to Network in 4 Short Chapters

Oct 30

Posted by Marian Madonia in Communication, Social Networking | Comments off

Chapter 1 – We meet at a business event, have a good connection and exchange business cards.  Without any further interaction from you (no phone call, no email, no postcard, no meeting), you decide to add me to your ezine or other email list.  (Double points if I’m not your target audience and you put me on your ezine anyway.)

Chapter 2 – I initiate an email because we have something in common and am reaching out to introduce myself, ask a question, offer information.  Without any further interaction from you (see above), you decide to add me to your ezine or other email list.  (See #1 about double points.)

Chapter 3 – We have never met. Because we have a trade association in common, a business associate in common, you saw my blog, you found my name somewhere that makes you think we have a legitimate connection (we don’t), without any interaction (see #1), you decide to add me to your ezine or other email list.  (See #1 about double points.)

Chapter 4 – I recognize you are a spammer who has deluded oneself into thinking you are networking.  I unsubscribe from everything you send me, list you as spam in my email filter, vow never to do business with you or recommend you.

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Kept in the Dark

Oct 26

Posted by Marian Madonia in Communication, GarbageFactor, Managers, Stress in the Workplace | Comments off

I stopped by a furniture store this week to pick up a new desk chair.  As I was checking out, there was a sign behind the cashier that announced that you could “win a $1000 shopping spree.”  I asked the cashier how I could win and he went from smiling and happy to down with a visible loss of energy.  He said to me “to be honest ma’am, that sign was here when I came in this morning, but no one told me what it’s about.  We are too busy to leave the cash registers to find out, so I’ve looked stupid all day because I can’t tell customers how to enter.”

Management often expects employee’s to be proactive, but if you don’t follow through and make sure they have the ability to be proactive, then it is the same as purposefully keeping people in the dark.  If management has implemented something new, then it is management’s responsibility to inform staff of what is new and how it will affect them.  Employee’s need time to learn and ask questions.  They deal with customers on a day to day basis and will likely know the types of questions that customers will ask.

Keeping employees informed is not limited to new things for customers.  Managers need to ask “What is new?” and “Who else needs to know about this?”  Then they need to get out there and inform staff.  Small efforts such as this add up to big results in motivation and performance.  Employees want to do the right thing and they want to be informed, but they also need management to clear the way so they can. If employees don’t get the communication they need, it just adds to the GarbageFactor™.

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BCC:

Oct 7

Posted by Marian Madonia in Communication, Team Work, Toxic Environments | Comments off

Why do people use BCC?  I’ve used it in the past, most often BCCing myself so I have a file ready copy of what I’m sending.  But occasionally, I’ve BCCd someone to keep them from being blindsided by something that I’m confident is going to end up on their desk (but not completely sure).  Many of us have been on the receiving end of a note that was BCCd to someone else.  Most of the time, we don’t know about these, but everyone once in a while we find out.  I don’t know about you, but when I have found out, it’s put a major dent in the relationship with the original sender.  This is mostly because BCC in these cases really meant “Because I’m Covering my Career, and I don’t care about yours” (with the emphasis on the second part).

Which now makes me wonder, is BCC a way to encourage people to be passive-aggressive with their communication?  Is a BCC really necessary?  Why not move the BCC to a CC, and get it out there in the open?  And, why have we still not acknowledged that there are at least two generations in the workplace that have never seen a real “Carbon Copy” of anything?

I sent a note out yesterday and moved what may have been a BCC to a CC.  I’m 99.999% sure it’s going to end up on her desk anyway.  Might as well let the person I’m communicating with know that I’ve already taken care of it for her.  Now if I can just get her to let go of her other passive-aggressive communication habits.

How do you feel about BCC?

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No More Garbage Tip #2 – Stuck?

Sep 1

Posted by Marian Madonia in Attitude, Communication, Difficult People, GarbageFactor, Managers, Stress in the Workplace, Team Work, Tips from Marian's book "No More Garbage", Toxic Environments | Comments off

When you don’t know what to do, you won’t until you learn something new.  Use a lack of answers as a trigger to go learn something new so that you can find the answers.  Don’t know how to pay for your kid’s education?  Learn everything you can about financing college.  Having trouble with a relationship?  Learn everything that you can about dealing with people and communicating.  Having trouble with a boss?  Learn how to deal with difficult people.

If you can’t wait to hear all 90 ways to deal with garbage, you can always order the book.

Book "No More Garbage: 90 Ways to Deal with Change, Challenges & Chaos

Book "No More Garbage: 90 Ways to Deal with Change, Challenges & Chaos

Thank you for being a fan of the GarbageFactor.  Get $2 off “No More Garbage” by using this special coupon code,  garbage09.  It will ask you for the code at the end when you enter payment info.  Here’s the link to get the book: http://shop.marianmadonia.com/product.sc?productId=1

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There Goes the Neighborhood!

Aug 27

Posted by Marian Madonia in Attitude, Communication, GarbageFactor, Miscellaneous | Comments off

What is happening to the neighborhood?  My neighbors are up in arms right now because every time they walk by my house…I’m friendly.

I’ve lived in my neighborhood for the past 8 years.  I know 4 of my neighbors (4 couples, 8 people). If I ran into them at the grocery store, I’d actually recognize them and be able to call them by name (o.k., I can’t remember the name of one woman, but I know her by sight).

I live in a very cool old Tudor house that my nephew refers to as the “gingerbread house.”  Seriously, it’s just missing the gum drops and icing snow.  The neighborhood was built in the 30’s when households had 1 car and you needed to walk everywhere to get what you needed.  So, two blocks away, is a neighborhood shopping district where there are several restaurants, two drycleaners, a movie rental place (a local owner, not a major chain), a flower shop, a coffee shop, and various other little businesses.

So everyone here walks and most of them walk their dogs.  I’ve never seen so many people that own dogs.  Stranger still is how many of them own boxers.  I mean, boxers are not exactly the most popular breed of dog.  There are still lots of people that think mine is a pit bull or a bull dog).  But my neighborhood has more than 8 boxers.

Now, I recall that people like the idea of having something in common with another person.  When people find out I’m half Sicilian, anyone who has a Sicilian background lights up and starts talking to me more.  When I ride my motorcycle, other people on motorcycles wave as they drive by, and if we’re at a gas station together, we’ll chat a bit about where we’re headed that day.  And of course, when I meet people and tell them I write about the GarbageFactor™, they have to tell me their story about the garbage (usually bad bosses, stress, and negativity) that happens in their workplace.

All of these conversations happen more animatedly.  People’s body language goes from closed to open.  Their eyes light up, and they tend to smile more.  And of course, we always share a few laughs about our commonality.

So what is wrong with my neighbors?  The ones that have boxers don’t want to stop and share stories.  They just plain don’t want to stop and have to be friendly.  Their body language saddens me.  I can see they want to leave.  I let them.  I feel a little down after, because this is completely messed up.  I know it, but what can a person do?

I live on the corner.  The neighbor across the street has never introduced him/herself to me.  That’s right, I’m not sure if a man or a woman lives there.  I’ve never caught the person outside.  The neighbors diagonally across the street moved in a couple years ago and have never stopped to say hello.  They leave from their back door and go directly to their car without looking up.  The same can be said for the neighbors diagonally behind me.  I’ve met the neighbors directly behind me.  I don’t know their names though.  They keep to themselves.  All, but the 4 neighbors I’ve mentioned, keep to themselves.

6 feet.  I did an experiment for a couple of weeks.  I decided I would stop saying “hello” and see how close neighbors could get to me without saying anything.  The answer is 6 feet.  They could get within 6 feet and still look straight forward, ignore my presence, and keep on walking.  I don’t want to try any closer than that.  Then I’d be the weirdo.  Measure out 6 feet to see how close that is.  How is that people can be within that range of each other (not total strangers, neighbors) and not reach out and say hello?

Quite frankly, I’m pretty disgusted by it.  I’m super friendly and super outgoing.  I make friends everywhere I go, except my neighborhood.  I started talking to friends about this, because I thought this was exclusive to my neighborhood.  My friends all say they are having similar experiences.  They live all across the country in places like Virginia, DC, Colorado, Florida, and Oregon.  Some live in the city, some live in the suburbs.  I feel better knowing it’s happening everywhere, but on another level, it makes me feel worse that as a society, we are closing ourselves off.

What’s happened to us?  Having a nosy neighbor can be annoying, but did we have to swing the pendulum all the way to the other side to where we’ve become indifferent?

I’m trying a different experiment now.  I’m saying “hello” to every neighbor that walks by, and I’m doing it with all the enthusiasm and energy that I can muster.  One of my friends said “you’re going to get known as the eccentric.”  I think that was supposed to be a warning that my next stop was the old spinster cat lady.  So I’m known as an eccentric.  There are worse things people could call me.  And besides, I think it’s better to be considered eccentric because I’m friendly instead of because I’m a hermit.

So, you’ll know you’ve found my house when you pass by and hear an enthusiastic “HI THERE!!!”  Maybe your neighborhood could use an eccentric like me.  I can’t move, so maybe we can all try this experiment together.  Be the eccentric in your neighborhood.  Be friendly to everyone that walks by.  See what happens, and let me know how it goes in your neighborhood.

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Communication Can Cause Shock & Awe Too!

Aug 4

Posted by Marian Madonia in Communication, Customer Service, GarbageFactor | 2 Comments

Not long ago, I was working with one of my clients in San Diego. I was there to deliver my customer service training program when the group found themselves in a conversation about two different types of customers; internal and external. External customers are those that we serve outside our organization, the ones that actually purchase our end products and services. Internal customers are those that we serve inside of our organization such as co-workers and other departments and teams.

The group brainstormed about the problems and challenges the organization was having. One of the problems that surfaced was “one of our frustrations is when the tech support department transfers calls to us expecting us to be able to make a sale, and we can’t sell to the customer. Even though our department is called sales, we’re just order takers. We can only take orders from customers that already do business with us.” A half dozen tech support folks dropped their jaws and didn’t hide the look of surprise on their faces. One of them repeated with surprise “you mean you can’t take an order from us!?”

That particular situation had been causing a lot of stress for both of those departments. The sales department was frustrated each time they received a call they could not complete. Further, the tech support department was confused and considered the sales department disinterested or lazy when their customers weren’t being handled.

Lack of communication is one of the most common complaints in the workplace. But it’s also one of the easiest problems to solve. WE can control opening up communication and talking with each other.

Be careful that you and your team haven’t made assumptions. Look out for treating people as if they’re psychics and can read our minds (or worse, assume we can read the minds of others). You might be amazed at the obstacles that can be overcome when you sit down and really talk with others. Not blaming, not pointing fingers. But just sitting down and saying “hey, here’s a problem that we are encountering. Do you have any ideas on how we can get over it? I could really use your help.”

How about you? What could you do to help improve your organization by improving communication? Is it possible that you might solve a problem by a simple exchange of information? You might help reduce the GarbageFactor™ for everyone.

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You're Welcome! *%$#

May 25

Posted by Marian Madonia in Attitude, Communication, Customer Service | 1 Comment

I decided to treat myself out for breakfast this morning.  I had a grand plan to go have a leisurely breakfast at a local restaurant I affectionately describe as a “funky little joint.”  It sits on the corner in one of the local neighborhood shopping districts.  I don’t know what else to call these.  They were built in the 30’s along with the houses in the neighborhood.  About every half mile or so there’s one of these little shopping areas that resemble little Tudor villages.  Lately, and much to my delight, they are experiencing a revival of their own.  Community is hip again.  I was going to bike this morning, but we had rain last night and more storms are expected.  With my laptop in hand, and because I was dragging a bit this morning, I decided to drive.

It was 11:30 in the morning, and I was just starting to act alive.  I also had no food in me, so I was running on fumes.   No wonder I was dragging.  My funky little joint was packed, but they serve in the bar on weekends.  Three day weekends count, so I grabbed a seat at the bar.  It saved me waiting 30 minutes for a table for one.  Waiting for a table is bad enough when you’re with a group, at least you have company.  it’s really droll when you are solo.

 The bartender had the right amount of energy and pleasantness, I don’t think her customers could have handled too much energy given I saw her make at least 2 dozen Bloody Mary’s (with alcohol) in the 30 minutes I was there eating my breakfast.  I really wanted some quiet time as well, so I was happy…until my food came.

A different person brought me my food.  He was carrying four plates stacked with food.  I’m always a little in awe of wait staff and how they can carry so many plates with or without a tray.  Things seemed to move in slow motion as I gathered in all that was happening.  The man carrying many plates, my plate getting set in front of me, doing a quick mental check of my order, and catching the sight of his back as I heard a sarcastic “You’re Welcome!”

Slap!!!

I started having one of those arguments that you have in your head when you can’t or don’t want to have the argument directly with the person involved.  My argument started ”what a jerk!” 

And most likely, that’s what people thought of me when I was younger.  Sarcastically saying “your welcome” was part of my youth culture, and we used it alot.   I picked it up from my peers, and no doubt some of them picked it up from me.  How on earth did we get the idea that that was “cool?”  Maybe it’s a phase that we all go through.  Maybe it’s cultural.  One thing for sure is we all need to let it go.  It’s not our job to correct, shame, humiliate, insult, put down, or judge others.  No good can come from it, and potentially hard feelings could result.

When it comes to the missing “thank you,” I know I prefer when people say it, but I find that my life is more pleasant when I remember that sometimes:

  • We are faster than others (as was my case, my “thank you” was there, but I was moving a lot slower than normal)
  • People say “thank you” with a smile or body language.  It doesn’t always have to be words. (I smile as soon as I saw he had my food!)
  • They’ve got so much “stuff” going on in their lives, they don’t realize there is anyone or any world going on around them.  (My dog just had surgery to remove a bump that could possibly be cancer, I won’t know for a week)
  • Something else happens simultaneously  .(Like a parent trying to get their kid to pay attention while you’re holding the door for them)

This isn’t making excuses for people, it’s being understanding and moving on.  A little understanding can go along way.

My breakfast was perfect, especially the homemade buttermilk biscuits.  I thanked my server twice.  Once with words, and a second time with a 20% tip.  “Thank you’s” come in many forms.

Have a great week…and thank you for reading my blog.  I may not say it with each entry, but I am always grateful.

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Sarcasm

Mar 3

Posted by Marian Madonia in Communication | Comments off

We have multitudes of communication tools available to us now: email, text, blog, social networks, voice mail, mobile phone, land-line, snail mail.  Yet, our sophistication has not brought many of us past the use of sarcasm in our conversations.  Sarcasm is often biting if not downright mean-spirited.  More often than not, unless exceptionally executed as humor, it will hurt rather than help you communicate.

I find a number of people know that they are sarcastic and take pride in it as if it is a badge of honor “Well, you know…I’m sarcastic.”  As if that one line is supposed to make me forget about their biting remark.

Sarcasm expects too much of the receiver and the sender positions him or herself as blameless for the hurt or miscommunication that is imparted.  It’s as if they say “I don’t want to work at communicating or being understood.  It’s your job to figure out what I really mean.”  That is contradictory to communication being two-way (or more if more people are involved).  Communication is tough enough without having to play unnecessary guessing games with another person.

No long ago, I was on the receiving end of a sarcastic remark from a direct report to one of my clients.  I was trying to find the clients location in a busy downtown area and was struggling to find parking in the client’s garage.  There were many businesses in the client’s building and space after space was “reserved” for the use of the other businesses.  Rather than get myself frustrated (and cost an unnecessary loss of time) I called the client for the insider’s guide to finding a parking space in their garage.  The response I got was dripping with sarcasm “duh, pick an empty spot!?” 

In case you think I’m always the calm, cool, and collected one, let me set that image aside.  I was HOT!!!  It was all I could do to bite my tongue and and NOT snap back “well, duh yourself you idiot.  If I’d have seen a spot I would have taken it wouldn’t I?” 

I thought it, I didn’t say it.  I am confused though. I asked for help and I got sarcasm?  I have no history with this person.  In fact, I’d only spoken to him on the phone once (it had gone well) , and I had not met him yet.  This would have been appropriate as dialogue for a kids movie with mean spirited teenagers.  In a movie dialogue, it may have even been funny.  But there is no part of any business where this would make for appropriate conversation.  It is downright unprofessional.

A friend reminded me that the person obviously had issues.  Asking for  help to find a parking space in no way warrented the kind of remark that I got.  So since it’s not me, it must be him.  So, do you think he realizes that all those sarcastic remarks he’s so proud of are actually sending a message to everyone around him that he has issues?  Never mind that he’s leaving bodies in his wake.  He’s hurting loyalty and commitment in every relationship his sarcasm touches.  In these tough economic times, the last thing you want to do is make a bigger pile of enemies.  You never know when you might need one of those folks. 

So here’s a self check.  Ask yourself sincerely about how much sarcasm you are using that is disguised communication.  I’m not talking about the kind of sarcasm where everyone is in on the joke and knows that you are being funny.  I’m talking about the kind where people have to guess at what you really mean.  Keep it to yourself if you can’t talk freely.  If you are able to talk freely, then tell people directly what you are upset about or concerns you.

So, how did I handle the situation with the client.  Well, I’d say I put on an Oscar winning performance.  I smiled (even though I was on the phone), and said (in the most light hearted voice I could) “Well of course I’d take the first spot, I’m just not finding one of those today.  I’ll see you as soon as I can solve this.”  He wasn’t going to help, might as well go back to solving the problem myself. 

You may have read at some point that the word sarcasm is derived from Greek words meaning “to tear flesh.”  Words hurt long beyond any flesh wound.  Spare the sarcasm from your speech, and don’t let it wreck your day if it’s been used on you.  It will help you be a part of reducing the Garbage Factor™.

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