The GarbageFactor™

Because Employee Engagement is not about the money!

Posts Tagged sarcasm

Must Be Nice

Sep 25

Posted by Marian Madonia in Attitude, Communication, Difficult People, GarbageFactor, Managers, Stress in the Workplace, Team Work | Comments off

Friday’s were usually Tom’s only day in the office, and typically, he’d work just a half day since he’d already put in so many hours earlier in the week.  Tom had one of those jobs that looked glamorous, but wasn’t.  He traveled every week, often to a different city every day.  His schedule was grueling.  Give presentations all day, drive to the next city, get some dinner, snag some sleep, and start over again the next day.

Though he worked in St. Louis, only one team mate, Mimi, worked with him there.  The rest of his team was in Chicago.  Another division was also located in St. Louis, so he and Mimi both had an office (cubicle) there to go on Friday’s.  Inevitably, the division manager would find a way to tease Tom when he was in the office “must be nice only having to come into the office only one day a week and then make that a half day.  We should all be so lucky.”

Mimi witnessed this for about a year.  She supported Tom and gave him ideas on how to deal with (or let go of) the situation, but Tom kept letting it get under his skin.  Tom was promoted and moved out of that office.  The search began, but the division manager wasn’t waiting.  The very next time that Mimi ran into him, he said to her “must be nice only having to come into the office only one day a week.  Wish I had that job.”

Mimi excitedly replied “You can! We have an opening right now that you can apply for!”  Everyone laughed and the division manager never picked on Mimi again.

Sometimes the best way to get rid of a little garbage is to use a little wit and humor.  Instead of battling people to prove your point, try going in the same direction.

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You're Welcome! *%$#

May 25

Posted by Marian Madonia in Attitude, Communication, Customer Service | 1 Comment

I decided to treat myself out for breakfast this morning.  I had a grand plan to go have a leisurely breakfast at a local restaurant I affectionately describe as a “funky little joint.”  It sits on the corner in one of the local neighborhood shopping districts.  I don’t know what else to call these.  They were built in the 30’s along with the houses in the neighborhood.  About every half mile or so there’s one of these little shopping areas that resemble little Tudor villages.  Lately, and much to my delight, they are experiencing a revival of their own.  Community is hip again.  I was going to bike this morning, but we had rain last night and more storms are expected.  With my laptop in hand, and because I was dragging a bit this morning, I decided to drive.

It was 11:30 in the morning, and I was just starting to act alive.  I also had no food in me, so I was running on fumes.   No wonder I was dragging.  My funky little joint was packed, but they serve in the bar on weekends.  Three day weekends count, so I grabbed a seat at the bar.  It saved me waiting 30 minutes for a table for one.  Waiting for a table is bad enough when you’re with a group, at least you have company.  it’s really droll when you are solo.

 The bartender had the right amount of energy and pleasantness, I don’t think her customers could have handled too much energy given I saw her make at least 2 dozen Bloody Mary’s (with alcohol) in the 30 minutes I was there eating my breakfast.  I really wanted some quiet time as well, so I was happy…until my food came.

A different person brought me my food.  He was carrying four plates stacked with food.  I’m always a little in awe of wait staff and how they can carry so many plates with or without a tray.  Things seemed to move in slow motion as I gathered in all that was happening.  The man carrying many plates, my plate getting set in front of me, doing a quick mental check of my order, and catching the sight of his back as I heard a sarcastic “You’re Welcome!”

Slap!!!

I started having one of those arguments that you have in your head when you can’t or don’t want to have the argument directly with the person involved.  My argument started ”what a jerk!” 

And most likely, that’s what people thought of me when I was younger.  Sarcastically saying “your welcome” was part of my youth culture, and we used it alot.   I picked it up from my peers, and no doubt some of them picked it up from me.  How on earth did we get the idea that that was “cool?”  Maybe it’s a phase that we all go through.  Maybe it’s cultural.  One thing for sure is we all need to let it go.  It’s not our job to correct, shame, humiliate, insult, put down, or judge others.  No good can come from it, and potentially hard feelings could result.

When it comes to the missing “thank you,” I know I prefer when people say it, but I find that my life is more pleasant when I remember that sometimes:

  • We are faster than others (as was my case, my “thank you” was there, but I was moving a lot slower than normal)
  • People say “thank you” with a smile or body language.  It doesn’t always have to be words. (I smile as soon as I saw he had my food!)
  • They’ve got so much “stuff” going on in their lives, they don’t realize there is anyone or any world going on around them.  (My dog just had surgery to remove a bump that could possibly be cancer, I won’t know for a week)
  • Something else happens simultaneously  .(Like a parent trying to get their kid to pay attention while you’re holding the door for them)

This isn’t making excuses for people, it’s being understanding and moving on.  A little understanding can go along way.

My breakfast was perfect, especially the homemade buttermilk biscuits.  I thanked my server twice.  Once with words, and a second time with a 20% tip.  “Thank you’s” come in many forms.

Have a great week…and thank you for reading my blog.  I may not say it with each entry, but I am always grateful.

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Sarcasm

Mar 3

Posted by Marian Madonia in Communication | Comments off

We have multitudes of communication tools available to us now: email, text, blog, social networks, voice mail, mobile phone, land-line, snail mail.  Yet, our sophistication has not brought many of us past the use of sarcasm in our conversations.  Sarcasm is often biting if not downright mean-spirited.  More often than not, unless exceptionally executed as humor, it will hurt rather than help you communicate.

I find a number of people know that they are sarcastic and take pride in it as if it is a badge of honor “Well, you know…I’m sarcastic.”  As if that one line is supposed to make me forget about their biting remark.

Sarcasm expects too much of the receiver and the sender positions him or herself as blameless for the hurt or miscommunication that is imparted.  It’s as if they say “I don’t want to work at communicating or being understood.  It’s your job to figure out what I really mean.”  That is contradictory to communication being two-way (or more if more people are involved).  Communication is tough enough without having to play unnecessary guessing games with another person.

No long ago, I was on the receiving end of a sarcastic remark from a direct report to one of my clients.  I was trying to find the clients location in a busy downtown area and was struggling to find parking in the client’s garage.  There were many businesses in the client’s building and space after space was “reserved” for the use of the other businesses.  Rather than get myself frustrated (and cost an unnecessary loss of time) I called the client for the insider’s guide to finding a parking space in their garage.  The response I got was dripping with sarcasm “duh, pick an empty spot!?” 

In case you think I’m always the calm, cool, and collected one, let me set that image aside.  I was HOT!!!  It was all I could do to bite my tongue and and NOT snap back “well, duh yourself you idiot.  If I’d have seen a spot I would have taken it wouldn’t I?” 

I thought it, I didn’t say it.  I am confused though. I asked for help and I got sarcasm?  I have no history with this person.  In fact, I’d only spoken to him on the phone once (it had gone well) , and I had not met him yet.  This would have been appropriate as dialogue for a kids movie with mean spirited teenagers.  In a movie dialogue, it may have even been funny.  But there is no part of any business where this would make for appropriate conversation.  It is downright unprofessional.

A friend reminded me that the person obviously had issues.  Asking for  help to find a parking space in no way warrented the kind of remark that I got.  So since it’s not me, it must be him.  So, do you think he realizes that all those sarcastic remarks he’s so proud of are actually sending a message to everyone around him that he has issues?  Never mind that he’s leaving bodies in his wake.  He’s hurting loyalty and commitment in every relationship his sarcasm touches.  In these tough economic times, the last thing you want to do is make a bigger pile of enemies.  You never know when you might need one of those folks. 

So here’s a self check.  Ask yourself sincerely about how much sarcasm you are using that is disguised communication.  I’m not talking about the kind of sarcasm where everyone is in on the joke and knows that you are being funny.  I’m talking about the kind where people have to guess at what you really mean.  Keep it to yourself if you can’t talk freely.  If you are able to talk freely, then tell people directly what you are upset about or concerns you.

So, how did I handle the situation with the client.  Well, I’d say I put on an Oscar winning performance.  I smiled (even though I was on the phone), and said (in the most light hearted voice I could) “Well of course I’d take the first spot, I’m just not finding one of those today.  I’ll see you as soon as I can solve this.”  He wasn’t going to help, might as well go back to solving the problem myself. 

You may have read at some point that the word sarcasm is derived from Greek words meaning “to tear flesh.”  Words hurt long beyond any flesh wound.  Spare the sarcasm from your speech, and don’t let it wreck your day if it’s been used on you.  It will help you be a part of reducing the Garbage Factor™.

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